“We have an immediate opening for an unproductive employee to work for an under achieving organization headed for bankruptcy. The right individual must be willing to avoid work, and be a master-procrastinator to ensure that none of our business goals are achieved.
We are not about to consider anyone that practices any kind of accountability. They must not take ownership or responsibility for errors, and being a master-blamer is a real plus! Pointing fingers and laying blame on others are hallmarks of our company and we can ill afford to change our culture at this late stage.
Time management, project management and operations management are foreign concepts in all of our divisions, so these would be worthless skills if brought to the table. In fact, if the right candidate can demonstrate a lack of returning phone calls and emails we would be ultra impressed!
Finally, we find the whole concept of being a learning organization the real challenge any new employee must resist with all of their fiber. Rogue individuals can undermine our determination to avoid new skills and knowledge that could change our current incompetence levels. Our managers work overtime (energy not hours) to monitor all employee activity and anything that involves training, professional development, or social learning are immediate grounds for termination.
All interested parties should forward their interest in working for our company to our Inhuman Resources Department. They are our final line of defense in weeding out any potential hire that could change our company mission of being the worst employer of choice in America!”
FACT or FICTION?
Fact is that no company ever spends the money to advertise for an unproductive employee. Yet, every company has these individuals on the payroll. They accomplish little, blame others, can’t even return emails or phone calls and yet collect a paycheck.